Saturday, February 28, 2004
What a Week...
First week back at school from a nice, relaxing vacation away and I already have the headaches, stomach cramps, and general fatigue. I have so many stories from the crazy things the class does, I don't even know where to start (or even why I should start to share).
I found out a few months ago that if I had three more ESL students, my class would be an official bilingual class.
I have 11 students on my retention list for next year (students whose reading levels are below third grade right now and may have to repeat third grade next year- but they won't- they will take summer school and proceed to fourth grade even though I have a few who read on a 1st grade level).
I had a student last week insult another student by leaning over and saying, "Ms. M**** has big boobs." Sad thing is, I don't. Sorry kid, I wear a B cup if I'm lucky.
A little boy who has "issues" hit two girls in the face at the same time at lunch last week. He claims it was an accident, yet he seems to have these violent accidents almost every day.
I had to cancel our big Writing Celebration on Friday (in which some parents attended) in the middle of it due to students walking around the classroom, yelling at each other, and generally fucking off. So sad too because they worked so hard to write these great mysteries- their best writing of the year.
In one of the mystery stories, a little boy had a bit of dialogue in which his cousin called him a "ho". In another mystery story, a little girl drew herself on the cover in a T-shirt nightie with the word Playboy written on the front.
A memo was put out to the entire school on lunchroom behavior partly due to my class. Apparently one day a few weeks ago, I had two boys throwing food out of the school building onto the street. This means getting up, out of their seats, walking out of the lunchroom, opening the side doors to the school, and hurling their food as people walk by lovely P.S. 94.
Two of my lazier students have decided they are on break still and produce zero work in school, don't do their homework, and literally put their feet up on the desks and talk for most of the day. Even after talking with both families, they don't seem to care they may repeat third grade next year.
I have made three parent phone calls and have had at least five parent conferences in the last three weeks of school. Mind you, this takes place on "my time".
Last week, I came to get my students from lunch and had three kids in the nurses office and found the Assistant Principal made four parent phone calls for my class alone. What a 45 minute break from the chaos!
After teaching an entire week on "area", the culminating activity seemed to be going very well. The students were doing a bang-up job while I was watching like a hawk. The minute I gave them some independence, they fucked around and ruined the entire project. Out of five tables of students, only two tables actually completed the assignment correctly.
I still have the little Asian boy cussing at me in Chinese.
Tuesday was cussing day in 3-401. I heard "shit", "asshole", "bitch", and "damn"- damn is the most common and happens daily.
A little boy in my class decided during a cutting and pasting activity in class Monday that it would be fun to cut some of the hair off the little girl sitting next to him. Wouldn't usually be a big deal, but she has gorgeous hair down to her butt.
I know have three students on daily behavior charts which their parents have to sign nightly.
There is so much more, but goddamn, I'm tired. Headache all day, stomach cramps producing foul odors, and need to sleep. 176 days of school left.
First week back at school from a nice, relaxing vacation away and I already have the headaches, stomach cramps, and general fatigue. I have so many stories from the crazy things the class does, I don't even know where to start (or even why I should start to share).
I found out a few months ago that if I had three more ESL students, my class would be an official bilingual class.
I have 11 students on my retention list for next year (students whose reading levels are below third grade right now and may have to repeat third grade next year- but they won't- they will take summer school and proceed to fourth grade even though I have a few who read on a 1st grade level).
I had a student last week insult another student by leaning over and saying, "Ms. M**** has big boobs." Sad thing is, I don't. Sorry kid, I wear a B cup if I'm lucky.
A little boy who has "issues" hit two girls in the face at the same time at lunch last week. He claims it was an accident, yet he seems to have these violent accidents almost every day.
I had to cancel our big Writing Celebration on Friday (in which some parents attended) in the middle of it due to students walking around the classroom, yelling at each other, and generally fucking off. So sad too because they worked so hard to write these great mysteries- their best writing of the year.
In one of the mystery stories, a little boy had a bit of dialogue in which his cousin called him a "ho". In another mystery story, a little girl drew herself on the cover in a T-shirt nightie with the word Playboy written on the front.
A memo was put out to the entire school on lunchroom behavior partly due to my class. Apparently one day a few weeks ago, I had two boys throwing food out of the school building onto the street. This means getting up, out of their seats, walking out of the lunchroom, opening the side doors to the school, and hurling their food as people walk by lovely P.S. 94.
Two of my lazier students have decided they are on break still and produce zero work in school, don't do their homework, and literally put their feet up on the desks and talk for most of the day. Even after talking with both families, they don't seem to care they may repeat third grade next year.
I have made three parent phone calls and have had at least five parent conferences in the last three weeks of school. Mind you, this takes place on "my time".
Last week, I came to get my students from lunch and had three kids in the nurses office and found the Assistant Principal made four parent phone calls for my class alone. What a 45 minute break from the chaos!
After teaching an entire week on "area", the culminating activity seemed to be going very well. The students were doing a bang-up job while I was watching like a hawk. The minute I gave them some independence, they fucked around and ruined the entire project. Out of five tables of students, only two tables actually completed the assignment correctly.
I still have the little Asian boy cussing at me in Chinese.
Tuesday was cussing day in 3-401. I heard "shit", "asshole", "bitch", and "damn"- damn is the most common and happens daily.
A little boy in my class decided during a cutting and pasting activity in class Monday that it would be fun to cut some of the hair off the little girl sitting next to him. Wouldn't usually be a big deal, but she has gorgeous hair down to her butt.
I know have three students on daily behavior charts which their parents have to sign nightly.
There is so much more, but goddamn, I'm tired. Headache all day, stomach cramps producing foul odors, and need to sleep. 176 days of school left.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Back From Heaven...and my first stamp in the new passport
Day 1- Monday, February 16
Fly out of Newark (20 degree weather) with a full flight of crying babies, random Long Islanders wearing stripper shoes, and the model (and David Bowie's wife) Iman in first class. T's mom picked us up at the airport (80 degree weather) and we visited her new local factory. Headed to Pollards Mill in St. Phillips Parish where T's mom and her husband have a 3 and 1/2 acre oasis in the middle of sugar cane fields. Huge trees invite the local green monkeys to frolic freely around the property. They visited us (actually they visited just me quite frequently throughout the week) during a nap and hovered in the trees above our bed.
Day 2- Tuesday, February 17
Out to Crane Beach in St. Phillips Parish on the Atlantic Ocean (east side of the island). Rated one of the top 10 most beautiful beaches and saw tons of sea crabs and even watched a jellyfish die as it rolled out of the waves right onto the beach beside us. Being a tall, white skinned red head, I attracted much attention and a local crazy man harassed me by the car at the local fast food restaurant (much to the delight of the secondary students who were fresh out of school).
Day 3- Wednesday, February 18
To Miami Beach in Christ Church Parrish on the Caribbean Sea (west coast of the island) for swimming and feasting at Oistins Fish Market. The people are so friendly and helpful- we stopped in one of the rum shacks to ask for a food recommendation and the guy at the bar yelled across the street to another man walking by to walk us over to a food shack on the water. The flying fish is a tad salty, but delicious!
Day 4- Thursday, February 19
To Holetown in St. James Parrish on the Caribbean Sea for snorkeling and lunch at Tides Restaurant with T's mom. Headed towards the middle of the island to Harrisons Cave in St. Thomas Parrish. The history of the actual island formation is amazing and the tour was worth it for all we learned! Back at Pollards Mill I walked out of the shower to witness one of my "stalking" green monkeys masturbating to/for me along the side of the house. When it saw me watching it, it would sit and stroke. When I would walk away, it would pound on the walls until I looked again and would start jerking off all over again. No, I did not watch for a climax of any kind!
Day 5- Friday, February 20
Woke up to another green monkey watching me pee first thing in the morning. Drove up the east coast of the island through Bathsheba to the most northern tip. Again, caves all over the island with build up of corals. The Animal Flower Caves in St. Lucy Parish led straight to the crashing waves of the Atlantic Ocean on the northern end of Barbados. Drove back down the west coast through Speightstown, Holetown, to Rockley Bay. Snorkeled in the Caribbean and waited to see some Barricuda that are rumored to be prevalent along the bay (no luck).
Day 6- Saturday, February 21
Hung at Pollards Mill all day with T, his mom, her husband, and Toby the dog. Nothing like swimming, eating, reading, napping, and enjoying the outdoors in a heavenly place like Barbados!
Day 7- Sunday, February 22
Back to NYC and the cold. But, the pictures will keep me warm throughout the next few months of winter!
Day 1- Monday, February 16
Fly out of Newark (20 degree weather) with a full flight of crying babies, random Long Islanders wearing stripper shoes, and the model (and David Bowie's wife) Iman in first class. T's mom picked us up at the airport (80 degree weather) and we visited her new local factory. Headed to Pollards Mill in St. Phillips Parish where T's mom and her husband have a 3 and 1/2 acre oasis in the middle of sugar cane fields. Huge trees invite the local green monkeys to frolic freely around the property. They visited us (actually they visited just me quite frequently throughout the week) during a nap and hovered in the trees above our bed.
Day 2- Tuesday, February 17
Out to Crane Beach in St. Phillips Parish on the Atlantic Ocean (east side of the island). Rated one of the top 10 most beautiful beaches and saw tons of sea crabs and even watched a jellyfish die as it rolled out of the waves right onto the beach beside us. Being a tall, white skinned red head, I attracted much attention and a local crazy man harassed me by the car at the local fast food restaurant (much to the delight of the secondary students who were fresh out of school).
Day 3- Wednesday, February 18
To Miami Beach in Christ Church Parrish on the Caribbean Sea (west coast of the island) for swimming and feasting at Oistins Fish Market. The people are so friendly and helpful- we stopped in one of the rum shacks to ask for a food recommendation and the guy at the bar yelled across the street to another man walking by to walk us over to a food shack on the water. The flying fish is a tad salty, but delicious!
Day 4- Thursday, February 19
To Holetown in St. James Parrish on the Caribbean Sea for snorkeling and lunch at Tides Restaurant with T's mom. Headed towards the middle of the island to Harrisons Cave in St. Thomas Parrish. The history of the actual island formation is amazing and the tour was worth it for all we learned! Back at Pollards Mill I walked out of the shower to witness one of my "stalking" green monkeys masturbating to/for me along the side of the house. When it saw me watching it, it would sit and stroke. When I would walk away, it would pound on the walls until I looked again and would start jerking off all over again. No, I did not watch for a climax of any kind!
Day 5- Friday, February 20
Woke up to another green monkey watching me pee first thing in the morning. Drove up the east coast of the island through Bathsheba to the most northern tip. Again, caves all over the island with build up of corals. The Animal Flower Caves in St. Lucy Parish led straight to the crashing waves of the Atlantic Ocean on the northern end of Barbados. Drove back down the west coast through Speightstown, Holetown, to Rockley Bay. Snorkeled in the Caribbean and waited to see some Barricuda that are rumored to be prevalent along the bay (no luck).
Day 6- Saturday, February 21
Hung at Pollards Mill all day with T, his mom, her husband, and Toby the dog. Nothing like swimming, eating, reading, napping, and enjoying the outdoors in a heavenly place like Barbados!
Day 7- Sunday, February 22
Back to NYC and the cold. But, the pictures will keep me warm throughout the next few months of winter!
Monday, February 16, 2004
Capturing the Friedmans...
We just watched this and I am in great need to discuss with others. T and I have our own opinions, and I know SRS commented about it before, but I need to seriously mull this one over. Truly disturbing and though provoking...
We just watched this and I am in great need to discuss with others. T and I have our own opinions, and I know SRS commented about it before, but I need to seriously mull this one over. Truly disturbing and though provoking...
Sunday, February 15, 2004
Pictures...
There is nothing like a beautiful snowfall to leave the city look its most peaceful. These are from January 27, 2004.
There is nothing like a beautiful snowfall to leave the city look its most peaceful. These are from January 27, 2004.
Another Freak Emotional State...
A couple of months ago I got an email from an ex saying he had gotten married and was expecting a kid. I freaked out on the fact he got married first when he was the emotionally disabled one on the relationship. Now, a few months later, I get the news my brother is proposing to his lady friend on Valentine's Day. I am SO happy for BSM, but I thought I would be first. I thought I would be the first of the three kids to marry and start a family. I doubt there would be any dispute on the matter from the siblings. I have always been that "traditional romantic" and have pictured some details of my own wedding and even have possible kiddie names picked out. Yes, T is aware of my neurotic behavior and smiles and nods like any freaked out man would do when his partner starts in with the "I was supposed to be first! Now he's stealing my thunder" routine. I'm thrilled for BSM and SD, don't get me wrong. B had made these amazing plans and it all seemed so lovely (god, I hope she said yes), yet I still freaked out. The selfish youngest child came out in full force. As the youngest, I got away with many things B and Em did not, but I also got screwed on a lot of things as well.
T and I talk about getting married and me moving to NYC was our first big step toward that goal. I mean, we live together, share finances, share the car, share familial obligatory visits- the "written contract" is the only thing missing from the scenario. I know talking about it constantly doesn't help relieve any of the stress T feels on the matter, but it's hard not to....I want to get married, is that so wrong?
Anyway, as a funny gag Valentine's Day gift, T bought me this ring to make me feel better. What a man! Sense of humor and gaudy taste- it can't be any more perfect!
A couple of months ago I got an email from an ex saying he had gotten married and was expecting a kid. I freaked out on the fact he got married first when he was the emotionally disabled one on the relationship. Now, a few months later, I get the news my brother is proposing to his lady friend on Valentine's Day. I am SO happy for BSM, but I thought I would be first. I thought I would be the first of the three kids to marry and start a family. I doubt there would be any dispute on the matter from the siblings. I have always been that "traditional romantic" and have pictured some details of my own wedding and even have possible kiddie names picked out. Yes, T is aware of my neurotic behavior and smiles and nods like any freaked out man would do when his partner starts in with the "I was supposed to be first! Now he's stealing my thunder" routine. I'm thrilled for BSM and SD, don't get me wrong. B had made these amazing plans and it all seemed so lovely (god, I hope she said yes), yet I still freaked out. The selfish youngest child came out in full force. As the youngest, I got away with many things B and Em did not, but I also got screwed on a lot of things as well.
T and I talk about getting married and me moving to NYC was our first big step toward that goal. I mean, we live together, share finances, share the car, share familial obligatory visits- the "written contract" is the only thing missing from the scenario. I know talking about it constantly doesn't help relieve any of the stress T feels on the matter, but it's hard not to....I want to get married, is that so wrong?
Anyway, as a funny gag Valentine's Day gift, T bought me this ring to make me feel better. What a man! Sense of humor and gaudy taste- it can't be any more perfect!
Friday, February 13, 2004
Officially on Vacation...
Next week is our Winter Break and we have the week off school. I decided to take tomorrow off to get things done before leaving for Barbados on Monday. What a good decision that was!
Today T picked me up after school and I started to cry the minute I sat down. This class of mine is starting to give me stomach aches and head aches. The emotional stress I feel every day is causing me to become physically ill. I thought the blog would help relieve me of some of this stress by creating an outlet to work through thoughts and get feedback from those who care. However, I am realizing that isn't enough- I barely have the energy to type what happened at school because shit happens every day. It's becoming the big joke among the third grade teachers- "At least my class isn't as bad as your class!" This is becoming too hard to handle and I need to figure out what to do about my future here. I will teach- I am meant to share my talents with the world. Yet, I don't know if I can teach here because my talents are being over-looked and my behavior management skills are being over-used.
Here are some interesting articles featuring thoughts on the school system here. At least my negative attitude is shared among thousands.
New York Teacher
New York Times- Rugs In Classrooms
New York Times- 3rd Grade Tests
New York Times- Editorial
New York City Teacher- Letters to the Chancellor
Next week is our Winter Break and we have the week off school. I decided to take tomorrow off to get things done before leaving for Barbados on Monday. What a good decision that was!
Today T picked me up after school and I started to cry the minute I sat down. This class of mine is starting to give me stomach aches and head aches. The emotional stress I feel every day is causing me to become physically ill. I thought the blog would help relieve me of some of this stress by creating an outlet to work through thoughts and get feedback from those who care. However, I am realizing that isn't enough- I barely have the energy to type what happened at school because shit happens every day. It's becoming the big joke among the third grade teachers- "At least my class isn't as bad as your class!" This is becoming too hard to handle and I need to figure out what to do about my future here. I will teach- I am meant to share my talents with the world. Yet, I don't know if I can teach here because my talents are being over-looked and my behavior management skills are being over-used.
Here are some interesting articles featuring thoughts on the school system here. At least my negative attitude is shared among thousands.
New York Teacher
New York Times- Rugs In Classrooms
New York Times- 3rd Grade Tests
New York Times- Editorial
New York City Teacher- Letters to the Chancellor
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Happy Birthday Stace!
Sunday, February 08, 2004
Brooklyn News...
If this were found in Sunset Park, I would think one of my students wrote it. We are writing mysteries in third grade right now and when I asked for the students to add dialogue (either internal or between characters), one of my more disrespectful, "how far can I push the limit?" students added the words ho and bastard to his story. Yes, an 8 year old had his characters calling each other bastard and ho. Oh the language with these kids. But, it's no surprise when I hear the adults saying these things on a regular basis in front of the little ones. We learn by example right?
One father picked up his Kindergartner a few months back outside the school building. He opened the car door and yelled, "Hurry the fuck up!" to his little 4-5 year old as she ran out of the building.
Young men walking the streets pick on each other and say, "you bitch" as they walk by the impressionable ears.
Yesterday we went bowling and had a large group of young girls with two adults next to us. The girls were celebrating a birthday and were maybe 8-9 years old. The male adult bowled a strike and turned and yelled, "Now that's what I'm fucking talking about!"
Such good examples...I mean, I have a potty mouth (always have), but as adults don't we know the time and place to use such language? Yes, there are times I want to say to my students, "Shut the fuck up" or "Stop fucking around and get to work" but I don't. I have to show them respect to get respect. Therefore it turns to "Quiet down boys and girls" and "Please stop fooling around and get on-task." Sometimes it's hard to get out the appropriate words, but still, it must be done.
If this were found in Sunset Park, I would think one of my students wrote it. We are writing mysteries in third grade right now and when I asked for the students to add dialogue (either internal or between characters), one of my more disrespectful, "how far can I push the limit?" students added the words ho and bastard to his story. Yes, an 8 year old had his characters calling each other bastard and ho. Oh the language with these kids. But, it's no surprise when I hear the adults saying these things on a regular basis in front of the little ones. We learn by example right?
One father picked up his Kindergartner a few months back outside the school building. He opened the car door and yelled, "Hurry the fuck up!" to his little 4-5 year old as she ran out of the building.
Young men walking the streets pick on each other and say, "you bitch" as they walk by the impressionable ears.
Yesterday we went bowling and had a large group of young girls with two adults next to us. The girls were celebrating a birthday and were maybe 8-9 years old. The male adult bowled a strike and turned and yelled, "Now that's what I'm fucking talking about!"
Such good examples...I mean, I have a potty mouth (always have), but as adults don't we know the time and place to use such language? Yes, there are times I want to say to my students, "Shut the fuck up" or "Stop fucking around and get to work" but I don't. I have to show them respect to get respect. Therefore it turns to "Quiet down boys and girls" and "Please stop fooling around and get on-task." Sometimes it's hard to get out the appropriate words, but still, it must be done.
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
Happy Birthday to You Dear Siblings...
Em and BSM (AKA The Twins) celebrate the day of their birth- Congratulations!
Em and BSM (AKA The Twins) celebrate the day of their birth- Congratulations!
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Is It Worth The Money?
NYC Citywide testing has begun. Fourth graders are enduring this ridiculous test. 3rd and 5th graders take it in April. Although we are never told to teach to the tests, I have started teaching an after school program four hours a week to prepare for the tests. I keep the students in my class who signed up for 2 hours on Tuesdays and 2 hours on Wednesdays after school. It's free child care basically, so I had all but two students sign up (which may change tomorrow). Therefore, I have 24 of my students from 8:30 in the morning till 5:00pm two days a week with only a 45 minute lunch break. Oh I knew this was a bad idea when I signed up after the new year. But, I am a whore for money right now and guess I will have to suffer through this "seamless day" until the end of April. I think I get paid about $35 before taxes an hour. Not bad extra cash, but now I ask myself is the money worth it?
When I was told about this great "extra money making opportunity" I was hesitant. I was told the same thing in CA last year and was roped into spending hours upon hours planning and preparing to help 20 kids pass the state testing there. I questioned the planning and preparing methods here. If I was to plan everything myself, I knew it wouldn't be worth the extra money. It wouldn't be "extra" because I would be working overtime for it anyway getting the program ready. But, I was told the school gives all the materials and we just have to put it all in sequential order and focus on the matters that mean most to my struggling students. SUPER! I signed up immediately. Two weeks ago, we had a professional development afternoon (every Monday from 3-4) where we were handed sample lessons to start planning for these test prep days. What? I was told we didn't have to make our own lessons and the materials were already made for the students? Oh, no Gnat, you have basic outlines on what to teach, and still have to abide by the "city rules" and teach the TC workshop model. Even though we have test booklets to teach the students to take tests? Yep. You need to create minilessons around each strategy in reading and math the test booklets have prepared for you. You will only spend about 15-20 minutes of the 2 hours a day in the actual prepared materials section- everything else is created by you teacher. Well, fuck that! How manipulative! To say one thing to us to wheel us in like whores in old Times Square, just to tell us we really aren't getting the easy way out. Yes, I know it's the easy way out, but after a long school day of dealing with students with little respect, language barriers, and low level academic skills, I'm just tuckered out- I'm fucking tired after a "normal" school day. Now I have 4 more hours a week to add to that fatigue and frustration.
Today was my first "seamless day" with 23 of my students. I have never seen such spaced out creatures before in my life. Some of the kids were really interested and paid attention (which is the norm everyday), but about half couldn't even fake listening to me teach. My emotions were already high after a long, grueling day of hard to reach students and even a difficult parent conference, but the breaking point for me came about 4:15. We were going over the "Main Idea" of a passage. You remember, short stories and then a couple of questions about what the little paragraph was about? We talked about main idea...I modeled for them how I find the main idea...Modeled my strategies for reading to find the main idea...Had them "turn and talk" (fuck you Klein and Bloomberg for that one) about finding the main idea in another read aloud and sent them off to their seats for independent work. The typical workshop model and the typical response in my class. Half the students didn't listen to me during the minilesson and therefore had no clue what to do. We started doing passages and questions together and still little participation- just blank stares. There was even one point where we found the main idea together, talked about where it was in the passage, and when I asked the students to underline the sentence containing the main idea in the passage, about 6 didn't know what to do and another 10 underlined the wrong part. OI VEY!
I have been told that no matter how well they respond they are still getting more from me than they would at home (in front of the TV no less), but this is frustrating as an educator. I teach because I want people to learn from me. I don't teach to babysit 26 kids all day. I was so pissed after the test prep today I told my AP that if tomorrow isn't any better, I will not participate in this insanity anymore. It's too hard to work and work and work to get all to understand and for half of my students not to even listen to me. It just doesn't seem worth it. I wish I could be like the cold hearted teachers I see and talk to all the time who put in the least amount of time and energy and expect very little from their students. I wish I wasn't so involved in making ALL my students succeed. I wish...I wish...I wish...
NYC Citywide testing has begun. Fourth graders are enduring this ridiculous test. 3rd and 5th graders take it in April. Although we are never told to teach to the tests, I have started teaching an after school program four hours a week to prepare for the tests. I keep the students in my class who signed up for 2 hours on Tuesdays and 2 hours on Wednesdays after school. It's free child care basically, so I had all but two students sign up (which may change tomorrow). Therefore, I have 24 of my students from 8:30 in the morning till 5:00pm two days a week with only a 45 minute lunch break. Oh I knew this was a bad idea when I signed up after the new year. But, I am a whore for money right now and guess I will have to suffer through this "seamless day" until the end of April. I think I get paid about $35 before taxes an hour. Not bad extra cash, but now I ask myself is the money worth it?
When I was told about this great "extra money making opportunity" I was hesitant. I was told the same thing in CA last year and was roped into spending hours upon hours planning and preparing to help 20 kids pass the state testing there. I questioned the planning and preparing methods here. If I was to plan everything myself, I knew it wouldn't be worth the extra money. It wouldn't be "extra" because I would be working overtime for it anyway getting the program ready. But, I was told the school gives all the materials and we just have to put it all in sequential order and focus on the matters that mean most to my struggling students. SUPER! I signed up immediately. Two weeks ago, we had a professional development afternoon (every Monday from 3-4) where we were handed sample lessons to start planning for these test prep days. What? I was told we didn't have to make our own lessons and the materials were already made for the students? Oh, no Gnat, you have basic outlines on what to teach, and still have to abide by the "city rules" and teach the TC workshop model. Even though we have test booklets to teach the students to take tests? Yep. You need to create minilessons around each strategy in reading and math the test booklets have prepared for you. You will only spend about 15-20 minutes of the 2 hours a day in the actual prepared materials section- everything else is created by you teacher. Well, fuck that! How manipulative! To say one thing to us to wheel us in like whores in old Times Square, just to tell us we really aren't getting the easy way out. Yes, I know it's the easy way out, but after a long school day of dealing with students with little respect, language barriers, and low level academic skills, I'm just tuckered out- I'm fucking tired after a "normal" school day. Now I have 4 more hours a week to add to that fatigue and frustration.
Today was my first "seamless day" with 23 of my students. I have never seen such spaced out creatures before in my life. Some of the kids were really interested and paid attention (which is the norm everyday), but about half couldn't even fake listening to me teach. My emotions were already high after a long, grueling day of hard to reach students and even a difficult parent conference, but the breaking point for me came about 4:15. We were going over the "Main Idea" of a passage. You remember, short stories and then a couple of questions about what the little paragraph was about? We talked about main idea...I modeled for them how I find the main idea...Modeled my strategies for reading to find the main idea...Had them "turn and talk" (fuck you Klein and Bloomberg for that one) about finding the main idea in another read aloud and sent them off to their seats for independent work. The typical workshop model and the typical response in my class. Half the students didn't listen to me during the minilesson and therefore had no clue what to do. We started doing passages and questions together and still little participation- just blank stares. There was even one point where we found the main idea together, talked about where it was in the passage, and when I asked the students to underline the sentence containing the main idea in the passage, about 6 didn't know what to do and another 10 underlined the wrong part. OI VEY!
I have been told that no matter how well they respond they are still getting more from me than they would at home (in front of the TV no less), but this is frustrating as an educator. I teach because I want people to learn from me. I don't teach to babysit 26 kids all day. I was so pissed after the test prep today I told my AP that if tomorrow isn't any better, I will not participate in this insanity anymore. It's too hard to work and work and work to get all to understand and for half of my students not to even listen to me. It just doesn't seem worth it. I wish I could be like the cold hearted teachers I see and talk to all the time who put in the least amount of time and energy and expect very little from their students. I wish I wasn't so involved in making ALL my students succeed. I wish...I wish...I wish...
