Monday, December 29, 2008
Being in California is hard for me. I get tired of trying to be the one who is expected to do everything and have everything under control when others aren't held to the same standard. Knowing how sick my dad was just months ago and seeing how he has done little to change his way of life kills me. I fear it will kill him too within time. Finally realizing how enabling my mom is to his lifestyle is also challenging to see. There is nothing I can do and I have gotten to the point where I don't want to do anything - just go through the motions. Having my own family now is hard enough- being expected to work other's is rough, emotional. In this family it is every man for himself. The holidays with babies in the house exacerbate the matter. Seeing how MDM and I are supposed to have everything under control while others get a free pass is tough to swallow. Not enjoying it, ready to leave, and not looking forward to a return trip.
